Well, tomorrow is Charli's first day of going back to daycare. I could just cry thinking about it. It is about 10x worse that taking her to daycare after maternity leave. We will only be taking her there about 1/2 the hours she would normally go, I do not want to risk her getting too sick if we end up starting chemo again in August.
For the past four months I have been her primary caregiver. I have rocked her as she ate, put her down for naps, etc. I am just not ready to give that job to someone else again. Granted, I did have a lot of help from her Grandma Preister and Aunt Amanda - but they came into our home to care for her...so it didn't seem like I was "leaving" her with someone else. Silly, I know, but it is how I feel.
We LOVE Lynn & Lonnie, and are so blessed to have them to care for Charli - so don't get me wrong! We couldn't ask for anyone better! But, I am jealous that Lynn and the other kids will get to spend their time with Charli - and I won't :-(. I know that after a day or two of her being back in the routine, we will all be fine. I just know what I am missing out on, and it hurts.
We also hope that Charli takes the transition okay. Since chemo she has been a very picky and tricky eater. Sometimes ONLY eating at home. I pray she isn't too much of a pickle for Lynn!
I got very sad as I packed her bag for tomorrow. I don't want to share her with anyone! Dear Lord, help me. If I am this sad now, what will I be like when she starts school, has her first boyfriend (when she is 45 her dad says), graduates school. UGH, my stomach hurts just thinking of it! Now I understand why some moms get teary-eyed when their little girls start using deodorant (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
But, since she has to go back - there is NO place I would rather her go then to Lynn and Lonnie's house! They treat her like she is their own, and love her to pieces! And, most importantly Charli's loves them back! She will be fine, it is mom that I am worried about :-D