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What started out as a site to update on our daughter's cancer has thankfully grown into a site to update on our beautiful family of four. Enjoy our journey...

Sunday, July 01, 2007

another big day

Well, tomorrow is Charli's first day of going back to daycare. I could just cry thinking about it. It is about 10x worse that taking her to daycare after maternity leave. We will only be taking her there about 1/2 the hours she would normally go, I do not want to risk her getting too sick if we end up starting chemo again in August.

For the past four months I have been her primary caregiver. I have rocked her as she ate, put her down for naps, etc. I am just not ready to give that job to someone else again. Granted, I did have a lot of help from her Grandma Preister and Aunt Amanda - but they came into our home to care for it didn't seem like I was "leaving" her with someone else. Silly, I know, but it is how I feel.

We LOVE Lynn & Lonnie, and are so blessed to have them to care for Charli - so don't get me wrong! We couldn't ask for anyone better! But, I am jealous that Lynn and the other kids will get to spend their time with Charli - and I won't :-(. I know that after a day or two of her being back in the routine, we will all be fine. I just know what I am missing out on, and it hurts.

We also hope that Charli takes the transition okay. Since chemo she has been a very picky and tricky eater. Sometimes ONLY eating at home. I pray she isn't too much of a pickle for Lynn!

I got very sad as I packed her bag for tomorrow. I don't want to share her with anyone! Dear Lord, help me. If I am this sad now, what will I be like when she starts school, has her first boyfriend (when she is 45 her dad says), graduates school. UGH, my stomach hurts just thinking of it! Now I understand why some moms get teary-eyed when their little girls start using deodorant (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

But, since she has to go back - there is NO place I would rather her go then to Lynn and Lonnie's house! They treat her like she is their own, and love her to pieces! And, most importantly Charli's loves them back! She will be fine, it is mom that I am worried about :-D


Anonymous said...

Brenda, Charli will do just fine and so will you. I really do know how you are feeling a matter of fact.......I believe I had a little girl go off to pre-school one day also........"sad for me too". And I remember how you liked going and how you liked Mrs. Sojka!!! I will pray for you and Charli and hope you have a good day. Mom

Anonymous said...

You've been strong through a lot tougher stuff then letting Charli go back to the caregivers who love her while you have to be at work. She'll be in great care and it will suck for you, but like you said once you're in the routine you'll be fine too! I have come to learn that the hardest job in the world is being a mother, but we just don't get paid enough!!! :-) And,'s ok to shed a few tears!!! Sometimes it's even good for the soul! You take care girl and have a great Monday! HUGS!

AndreaChad said...

How exciting for Charli that she gets to play with all her friends again!!! I know that Calla enjoys seeing others at 4 months so I can only imagine how much Charli likes them at 11 months!!! Hugs to you will do well and as you know that you have great providers so that in itself is worth quite a bit. Hope your 'first' day back is full of SUNBEAMS, CANDY BARS, AND ICE CREAM!!