Tomorrow is the day we go down for scans.
There aren't a lot of words to describe tomorrow. Tonight when a friend asked I told her "most people don't need need to go to the doctor on a regular basis to find out their child is okay, so having to do that kind of sucks but I do appreciate that we have the opportunity to do it." And, in another conversation I realized that Charli has not had a "well-baby" check-up since she was 6-months old. This isn't because we are bad parents who neglect her health, but rather because she has met with her oncologist on such a regular schedule that we have not had to. This is our reality.
So, tonight when I go to bed in a few minutes I will relive all the moments recently that I took for granted, all the times I raised my voice instead of offered hugs, all the moments I didn't realize how great life is, and all the moments I would have died to live the life we have now. The great part is, this IS our life -- all I dreamed of and more 4 years ago, I have.
Tomorrow we will wake up and make the journey to the hospital to draw blood, visit with the doctor, and wait for the news we expect, which is that she is doing great. We know she is, and we know that is what we will hear.
But tonight just before I fall asleep for the night, my mind will play the worst case scenario in my head, tears will fall down my face, and before I start to panic I will remember that Charli WILL be fine and that fear is normal. Well, normal for us anyway.