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What started out as a site to update on our daughter's cancer has thankfully grown into a site to update on our beautiful family of four. Enjoy our journey...

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

perspective

This morning Charli woke me up around 4:30 and we were still up as 6:00 came near. I think initially she woke up because she still isn't feeling well, but after that I think she just wanted wanted to play...and wanted the attention.


I had a rough morning of wondering if I was really cut out for this mom business, and wondering how does someone so selfish as myself, as I sat in tears on my bathroom counter listening to my daughter cry and my dogs bark, raise a child to be better at this than I am. I went back into her room and rocked her some more, singing to her, and then realizing how lucky I am to have her there to wake me up at 4am. In the midst of my exhaustion and frustration I realized that it wasn't long ago we were fighting for her life, and at that very moment I was so upset that she wouldn't sleep. Boy, did I feel like a jerk.


Then...today I got this email, and I really needed it! God is so good to have blessed me with a 2-year old baby girl who wanted nothing more at 4 in the morning that to have her mommy hold her and "sing mommy". I am tired today, but couldn't be more thrilled at the reason why...in all reality.


(poem has been used with authors permission)


Just for this day.

Just for this morning, I am going to smile whenever I see your face.
and laugh when I feel like crying.

Just for this morning, I will let you wake up softly, all rumpled in your
flannel and I will hold you until you are ready.

Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear, and
smile and say you're beautiful.

Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you
up and take you to the park to play.

Just for this morning, I am going to eat a huge breakfast , with bacon
eggs, toast and waffles, and you don't have to eat any.

Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you
teach me how to put that 100 piece puzzle together.

Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the
computer off, and sit with you in the garden blowing bubbles.

Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble
when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one if he comes by.

Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be
when you grow up or who you might have been before your diagnosis.

Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't
stand over you trying to 'fix' things.

Just for this afternoon, I will let you put all kinds of barettes in my
hair, and put lipstick on my face, and I will tell you how pretty you have made me look.

Just for this afternoon I will take you to McDonalds and buy us both a
Happy meal so you can have both toys.

Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story
about how you were born, and how much we love you.

Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the bathtub and not get
angry when you throw water over your sister's head.

Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the
porch swing and count all the stars.

Just for this evening, I will bring you glasses of water, and snuggle
beside you for three hours and miss my favorite show on t.v.

Just for this evening, When I kneel down to pray, I will simply be
grateful for all that I have and not ask for anything, except
just one more day.

copyright. 1999. Sally Meyer

No portion of this poem may be reprinted without permission of the author.

Rainmom2000@aol.com

6 comments:

stacy from michigan said...

As I check on my kids tongight before I go to bed...I will hug them both a little tighter.

Thank you!

p.s. You are truly a great Mom!

Deqlan said...

What a beautiful poem and how true - i know exactly what you mean and i to try and stop myself getting angry or irriatated at the small stuff and try to be more patient and above all grateful for my miracle in Deqlan. You are a fantastic Mom Brend and i know Charli thinks that to! God Bless Samm & Deqlan

Jodi Johnson said...

You are a wonderful mother. Sometimes I wonder to myself if Vinton & I could be as strong as you and Chad have been. Thank you for the inspiration you have given me and others.

Love you Bren!

Jodi

Anonymous said...

Brenda how wonderfully sweet and honest your posting was. Many of us have been at that place of exaustion and frustration with our children...but none have experienced all you have endured. Your strength and wisdom amaze me and I am humbled by your honesty and integrity at such a young age. You are an awesome Mommy...Charli is sooo lucky...and a wonderful wife...Chad is so blessed. Grma P

Anonymous said...

i think it takes a heartless person to NOT wonder those things... whether we are doing well enough by our children, whether we're raising the presidents or hoodlums of tomorrow. i think it takes a very cold hearted person to not worry about the care they're giving. every parent has been in that boat the "oh my gosh, i cannot do this for another second" boat, and you know what? it takes the loving person that even though that thought is 100% true, to get themselves out of the bathroom, rock that baby, and sing that song. because we are the parents, and we could never stop caring, no matter how much we wanted to.

love you all.

-sadie&aiden

Rachelle said...

What a beautiful and heartfelt post. Don't worry, we all have our moments of frustration and unimaginable exhaustion. You are a wonderful mother and Charli is a lucky little girl. Hang in there and keep up the good work!