This morning Charli woke me up around 4:30 and we were still up as 6:00 came near. I think initially she woke up because she still isn't feeling well, but after that I think she just wanted wanted to play...and wanted the attention.
I had a rough morning of wondering if I was really cut out for this mom business, and wondering how does someone so selfish as myself, as I sat in tears on my bathroom counter listening to my daughter cry and my dogs bark, raise a child to be better at this than I am. I went back into her room and rocked her some more, singing to her, and then realizing how lucky I am to have her there to wake me up at 4am. In the midst of my exhaustion and frustration I realized that it wasn't long ago we were fighting for her life, and at that very moment I was so upset that she wouldn't sleep. Boy, did I feel like a jerk.
Then...today I got this email, and I really needed it! God is so good to have blessed me with a 2-year old baby girl who wanted nothing more at 4 in the morning that to have her mommy hold her and "sing mommy". I am tired today, but couldn't be more thrilled at the reason why...in all reality.
(poem has been used with authors permission)
Just for this day.
Just for this morning, I am going to smile whenever I see your face.
and laugh when I feel like crying.
Just for this morning, I will let you wake up softly, all rumpled in your
flannel and I will hold you until you are ready.
Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear, and
smile and say you're beautiful.
Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you
up and take you to the park to play.
Just for this morning, I am going to eat a huge breakfast , with bacon
eggs, toast and waffles, and you don't have to eat any.
Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you
teach me how to put that 100 piece puzzle together.
Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the
computer off, and sit with you in the garden blowing bubbles.
Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble
when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one if he comes by.
Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be
when you grow up or who you might have been before your diagnosis.
Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't
stand over you trying to 'fix' things.
Just for this afternoon, I will let you put all kinds of barettes in my
hair, and put lipstick on my face, and I will tell you how pretty you have made me look.
Just for this afternoon I will take you to McDonalds and buy us both a
Happy meal so you can have both toys.
Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story
about how you were born, and how much we love you.
Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the bathtub and not get
angry when you throw water over your sister's head.
Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the
porch swing and count all the stars.
Just for this evening, I will bring you glasses of water, and snuggle
beside you for three hours and miss my favorite show on t.v.
Just for this evening, When I kneel down to pray, I will simply be
grateful for all that I have and not ask for anything, except
just one more day.
copyright. 1999. Sally Meyer
No portion of this poem may be reprinted without permission of the author.