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What started out as a site to update on our daughter's cancer has thankfully grown into a site to update on our beautiful family of four. Enjoy our journey...

Monday, November 22, 2010

reality

If I had to pick a work to use tonight, it would be reality. It seems like everywhere I turn I get a burst of it! Sunday morning I got a tearful "lecture" from Charli about how I never spend "any" time with her. I am always with Harper, playing with Harper, and never-ever do anything with Charli, every day - all day. While this is partially true, because Harper demands more attention now, there is no explaining that to a crying 4-year old who thinks her mother has all but abandoned her for her smaller, younger, blue-eyed baby brother. There is no excuse for that, but it is our reality. Chad and I often end up tag teaming the kids because their age spread is not ideal right now. A few months ago they could play together great, and in a few months from now they will again. But, right now they are both territorial of their things, and their mom. This is not to say it is always like this, by any means...but when you are 4 time is not exactly something which can be perceived with great accuracy! Either way, Charli and I (along with Grandma Jody) spend a few hours of girl time watching Toy Story 3 which was full of laughs and smiles...and just what the dr ordered for a little pip-squeak who giggled so loudly and covered her face in fear minutes later! We followed this up by going to a birthday party where she could wrestle her same-aged cousin who never has to fight for his parents attention!!
This is our reality, and while it is not a walk in the park on most days...it is the walk we have been given. And, I have come to learn that without those bumps in the road, the sunny stretches would just not seem as wonderful! It always seems like a victory when we can look back at those "less than great" moments and see that they weren't so bad after all, and how much we all learned!! Have a great Thanksgiving week ya'll. I am thankful you care enough about our family to still be here checking in on us! I would LOVE to hear from those of you who are still here!!
Charli has never been a great eater. We perpetuated the situation once we found out she had cancer, and eating became a priority. Even at 8 months, she knew what that meant to us, and it has been a hot button ever since. Now, the struggle with her to eat is less about "is she sick" and more of a power struggle. We probably have to ask her to sit nicely and eat 5 out of 7 nights a week. REALITY: Chad told her that if she didn't sit and eat nicely, he would tape her to the chair and make her eat. FOLLOW THROUGH: Chad tapped her to the chair -- she ate :-) Before this ends up on some child abuse site, please notice that she voluntarily tore the tape as Chad was doing this with masking tape - and the large grin on her face from the extra attention she was getting because of her behavior! Ahhh, parenting moments at our finest.

Chad was very excited to show the kids his deer. He generally doesn't' care if he gets a deer or not. But, this year he wanted to bring one home to show Charli. He got one Sunday morning and brought it home to show Charli Monday morning before going to daycare. She was pretty excited for him. REALITY: every parent and child need to have that "one thing" that can make them both truly happy.

this is Chad wrapping Charli up to go see the deer, because neither of them could wait to put real clothes on! She went out, fresh out of bed, in her jammies! REALITY: sometimes we don't need to follow all the rules, life is more fun when we break them from time to time...makes those moments feel special!! OTHER REALITY: having rules, makes breaking them the fun part! no rules just means chaos!!


REALITY: these kids love each other. Set aside the fighting for moms attention, Harper playing with Charli's guitar, Charli helping Harper "too much", and all that little brothers grow to do to their big sisters...they love each other. There are few things that bring me more joy, than the realization of what these two will do and mean to each other in their years to come. When I am gone, they will still have each other, and the love they foster now.

8 comments:

Sheila Ferrell said...

I am still here!! You always bring a smile to my face and a dose of reality!! Life may not always be grand but we have to realize how blessed we are regardless. As much as I wish my nearly 21 year old and 18 year old sons were still little, I am grateful that they have turned into great and compassionate young men. And some days, I still get to be "mommy" and wipe away their tears and help find solutions to their fears as the realities of life and growing up comes and bites them in the butt. When time out is no longer the fight but tough love and small loans that for their own good, I make them pay back even if it is $10 at a time.
Enjoy your babies, which they will always be, rather they are still able to sit in your lap or they are calling you and starting the conversation with "mom, I just have to tell you about my date last night..."

Jen said...

Okay this made me cry and laugh!
Beautifully written and so true, parenthood is the greatest blessing and also the greatest slap in the face reality check as well but you can't have one without the other! Thanks for sharing!

The Wiechman's said...

Awesome post Brenda~just awesome.

The Currie Family said...

Love the tape on the chair!! LOL

I too have to constantly tell someone to sit down and eat at the dinner table!! oh the season of life!!

Smolek Happenings said...

Well, I don't think there is a perfect age difference; our boys are 22 mos apart, and i constantly remind myself we did that on purpose so that they would grow up close & best friends; but it's hard to remember that right now when they're constantly fighting and i often feel like the majority of days all i do is yell at them or break up fights!! yet the very next minute, they're snuggled up together on the couch giggling, or playing with their trains nicely together for once! lol :) it's not easy, for sure...but an amazing journey nontheless. :)

Anonymous said...

There will always be a "bond" between Charli and Harper and I think they seem to get along just perfect ( but I AM the grandma).
Time slips by so fast and I am glad that you are taking time to enjoy the little ones. On this Thanksgiving Day, we all have a lot to be thanksful for.........and I am extremely thankful for my family ( every one of them).
Mom

Anonymous said...

Love this post Brenda! You do such a good job writing. Your kids are so darn cute and special--we love them tons and can't wait to see them again --maybe sometime soon! Everyone is growing up just too fast. Fortunately, Landon hasn't lectured me about Jamison yet but it really makes me think how I need to spend some special 1 on 1 time with him, especially now. Oh and about the picky eater--Landon is HORRIBLE! Like you, his cancer diagnosis made it worse because we just needed him to eat--no matter WHAT it was! Ya know, I saw on Dr. Phil that no child has ever been harmed from "being a picky eater" so I've decided to end the power struggle and basically Landon eats what he wants. ;) Right, wrong or indifferent, it works for us.
XOXO!
Courtney

Tawny said...

I've been a follower of your blog since Charli's treatment days and I continue to love reading your writing. I absolutely love that daddy kept his word and tied her to the chair! Charli's spunk and love for life always brings a smile to my face, she truly is a miracle.