ahhhh....

What a day, just a great night to sit and just say "ahhh" to myself!!

We have been enjoying the sunshine! The kids have been outside every afternoon at daycare and in the evenings as much as we can around the rest of life that has to happens (eating, baths, and sleeping!!)

Today was a good day in Omaha! It was a little stressing at times with a few things that went on a little differently than normal! The radiologist came in to recheck Charli's scans and take additional pictures, which makes you wonder what they were looking for!! Thankful to know they are always making sure they have it right! We went up to clinic and were seen by a nurse first, then were told that Dr. had to go to radiology so it would be about 30 minutes. About 2 minutes later we were asked to go "downstairs" and have Charli's blood drawn. While waiting Charli quickly caught on that other kiddos were coming out crying and decided she didn't want to go. Austin is who took her blood today. She is not a big fan of Austin. Several hours later she said "Austin is not my friend, I am mad at him". And when she went to bed, Chad asked her what she didn't like about today and she said "Austin made me cry"! We made our way back up to clinic to be seen by another doctor and a resident...before our doctor came strolling in with "she looks great". I wanted to say..."couldn't you have lead with that and hour ago?"!! All in all, I don't care how I get the news, just that I get the news. Charli will not have to go back for ONE year! And, no more scans...just regular check ups, like a regular kiddo!! That comes with some, well almost a lot, of anxiety, but it truly is what we want.

In our tradition of doing something fun and all about Charli we left the hospital and made our way to McDonalds where she got an "I <3 Carly" bracelet that looks like a watch, she is in love with it! Then we went to pick out her new bike! She loves it! When we got home and after riding the new bike for a long time her and I got groceries, we all picked up Harper and made our way to the fishfry to see all of our grandmas and grandpas! And...we ended the night with a "Popsicle". Ahhh, life is good!!

When the doctor told me that we would need to contact them in several months to schedule the appointment she said, it will be easy to remember that it will fall around Easter. I laughed, like I will EVER forget this time of year!! Three year ago today Charli was having surgery and preparing for her first dose of chemo. I am pretty sure I will know that she needs to go back in March :-) Unreal!!

Enjoy the pictures!

fishing off of her slide. fishing is serious business

chubby little fingers! I am so not willing to let him grow up...



loves to play outside in his big sister's swing, rocking his dinosaur camo jacket

beautiful sunrise on our way to Omaha this morning

Charli did so well for her scans today. She really is a trooper! She walks back there on her own, steps on the scale, and turns to enter the room...plops up on the table and says "remember last time mom, I was scared to come in here?"

loves her elephant, he is holding her hand

lays so still

and when we have "tummy time" it is time for us to be silly with the camera and our faces!

We are in the lab here. Austin gave us the choice of her arm or finger. We picked the finger knowing it would be less dramatic for Charli. She picked up on that and was hiding her hands and fingers behind her back!

doesn't matter how much I try to distract with the stickers that look just like Wynston - it still hurt, scared her, and was something she was afraid of. Austin, this is where you lost her. You lost her for good.

what a champ! sitting very casually as she gets her blood pressure checked and her temperature taken!

she is talking to chad as if there is nothing else going on! and yes, she is in ALL purple! She HAD to wear short sleeves today (her rule, not the clinics!) and HAD to wear a jacket (zippie hoddie). She is starting to have quite the opinion on her clothes!

Waiting for the doctor to make her grand entrance! They couldn't believe how big and grown up she has become! I think they said she is still above 90% for height! I am pretty certain she gets that from me :-)

She really favored her "Austin" arm for several hours...but here she is just so happy to be home and outside!

I'm not sure, but I am pretty sure our "Fun Friday" fairies left this for her today! She loved it, nothing makes you feel more special than something like this after a trip to the hospital! We have the most amazing friends.

Rocking her new bike! She picked a Dora helmet which came with knee pads that she has to have on all the time now! She is a master already.

i love this picture!

ahhh, and what better way to end her night than with a popsicle...she loves these!!

PS. Charli informed me this afternoon that she has a boyfriend, and that he isn't a bad guy!

I am so thankful for this day, for this life. We have been put in so many situations that lead us to where we are going. I feel blessed for all of this. It is much easier for me to see and believe that when we hit forks in the road, that they truly are leading us where God intends. Had we not experienced Chad's accident and Charli's diagnosis specifically...I think I would never have the trust and faith that I have at this very moment. I am not saying that I enjoy being challenged in these ways, but I do know it is easier for me to throw my hands up and trust we are being guided exactly where we need to go. Thank you to EVERYONE along the way...truly.

big day...BIG news

Tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow is THE day we stress over. Tomorrow IS the day we try to not think about as it gets here. TOMORROW is the day we need, so we can hear again that she looks fantastic. TOMORROW IS THE DAY!!!!!!!!!

Chad was talking to her about going back to the doctor so she could be prepared to head down there. She told him that she wasn't scared of doctors and that they helped her. Then, in a surprised tone she added "maybe they can help my hiccups too!". Hey, maybe?!! These doctors are miracles workers.

and I quote...

and Charli says....

"I smell smoke."

....."It's Dad. Dad's smokin' hot."

.....and continues to play UNO.

pictures!

Here comes the roll of pictures from the past few days. Like I mentioned earlier, I forgot my camera yesterday to share the joy on Charli's face, but I am sure you can about imagine!

Enjoy, it's been awhile since I have flooded with pictures...so here are a few to make up for it!

she is still just as proud as ever to show off her little buddy

who needs a wii when I have my very own rockband right here!
Here we have Miss Charli on guitar and Mr Harper Buddy rocking out the lyrics to "my mom's the best!"

showing off about a 1/4 of her stuffed animal collection! In about a weeks time we rotate through most of these animals as sleeping pals!

he likes to play in big sisters room, which works out nicely - for some weird reason he has way more hazards in his four walls!

Charli's master piece! She thought it was great fun to mix all of her six colors together to make new colors! She was sad that she "couldn't paint pretty like daddy"...we all feel that way, she will get over it!

Chad's plate for Charli. He traced her hand to make this, and she picked the colors out!

my plate - it was very relaxing to do this and I hope to do it again

she was feeding him!

he ALWAYS gets the fun parts of the job!

brush * brush* brush

he slept in this position for a long time! He was sitting "cris cross applesauce" and just bent over at the waist, plopped his head down, and hung out there for his nap!

Charli helping Chad spread the snow out so the "sunshine" would melt it! We have yet to see the sun shine, but the snow is gone! She said it was hard work and came in to inform me, with her hand on her hip, that "it has been a long day", I think it was 12:30!

Happy Cancerversary Charli!

Happy Cancerversary Charli!!!

Yesterday was "Chalri's special day" as we all seemed to call it! She had a nice day and hopefully was able to feel special. When I asked her if she knew why it was her big day she told me "it is my special day because my doctors found my cancer". When she says cancer, she says it so cute and sweet -- totally not what that word deserves.

Our day started with Chad and Charli picking me up from work for a lunch date at Picket Fence. After that we made our way to do some bowling, which was so much fun to watch her excitement, and then played arcade games. With her tickets she wanted "something to eat!" so she got jelly beans and picked three dinosaurs! From there we went to paint pottery, Charli made a great plate and, no surprise, Chad did too!! Our next surprise was ice cream which was followed by a cat nap in the car on our way to see the bunnies and chicks before picking up "buddy" from daycare. When we got home she got to eat breakfast for supper and pick a cartoon to watch and stay up late for! I forgot to take my camera, which I am still made about, but will post pictures of the plates later!

Putting her to bed last night was amazing. I held her in my arms and remembered holding her in my arms three years ago and all those scary terrible things I was feeling then were no more, because in my arms was an amazing little person who has changed the world.

celebrate * remember * fight back

prepping for surgery...

Those of you who know the Relay For Life, know about my title today. But, as we are just days away from Charli's "anniversary" those three words have meant more to me than I realized.

I have been thinking about what I would write this weekend for a long time. "It" is always on my mind, and this place really was an outlet for my feelings, fears, joys, and just life in general. But, there comes a point when I realized...maybe I should move beyond what has been the past and only focus on the future. That is when I realized, that our past will always be a part of our future. We would be fools to let it go and blindly carry on. On a different level of being a "God fearing individual", I am also a "cancer fearing individual". By saying that, I mean I respect the nature that things can come up and change so quickly. I treasure the now and realize that it may not have been, and it may not always be. I am guessing there are people reading this thinking "you can't always fear the unknown"...and I imagine those of you who have been down this path can somewhat, if not fully, understand what I am trying to say.

The past few days I have been cleaning and organizing, finding treasures for our summer Relay For Life garage sale. Today was the day for Charli's closet. I have a ton of bags, love fun bags!! And, in each of these bags is almost always the "usual" for me...hand sanitizer and suckers :-). In a bag today I found something extra, two tubes of EMLA cream. This is the cream that we used each time Charli's port was accessed. We would put the cream on her port area, cover it with press-n-seal and make our way to Omaha. I loved the stuff...it made accessing her port a breeze. I have no ill feelings to EMLA, in fact I am a fan. As I pulled it out of the bag this morning though, I cried. Why did I cry?! This stuff was our friend!!!! There are always reminders, always.

CELEBRATE
To celebrate how far Charli has come, and how far we have come, we will be taking some time to celebrate on Monday. Chad and I have taken the afternoon off (if all goes well!) and we plan to do something special with Charli that afternoon. We want to celebrate the life that God so graciously gave us not only once in this lifetime...but twice with her diagnosis and successful treatment of the neuroblastoma. Last year we had a pizza party for our family to thank them for their help while Charli was in treatment. This year it is all about her!

REMEMBER
We all remember and honor things in different ways. I tend to remember all the time. With Harper being born only one month before Charli was, it is strange to see how different things could have been with Charli when she was that age. But also, it makes me so thankful that her body was giving us those hints that we needed to get her diagnosis. I remember the Thursday that she started acting strangely, I remember telling her Aunt Amanda "she doesn't want to be crabby, I know it!". I remember the "first time mom" look from almost everyone at first and the words from some too. I remember thinking a billboard was talking to me (boy was I WRONG!!), I will always remember her St. Patricks day dress she didn't get to wear on St. Pats day, the phone calls made, posts written, tears shed, blessings received, shutting down and turning off, being hopeless but most of all hopeful. There is so much to remember...most of the memories are suppressed I think and pop up on occasion for whatever reason jars my memory.

What I also remember are people 100% believing us and pushing me to push the doctors, I remember late night hospital visitors popping in just to see her sleep and give us hugs. I remember phone calls, letters, emails, and anonymous gifts. I remember the desperate need people had to come see Charli, because they couldn't wrap their mind around the reality. I remember feeling disgust, terror, strength, passion, hope, faith, love, fear, anger, resentment, jealousy, joy, anticipation, and being just naive enough to make it through some days! I remember feeling pretty much any emotion I have ever dreamed of! And at the end of it all I still feel thankful and full of gratitude to all who were a part of it and our God for the miracle we not only expected but were chosen to receive.

I was reminded again this week that life isn't always fair, and we won't always know why things work out the way they do. But, we are not supposed to...so we should really stop asking! At the beginning and end of everything is God -- who are we to judge. Of course sometimes it is hard not to question why something worked out the way it did, but by dwelling on it we are basically doubting His choices for us.




FIGHT BACK
I remember the day in college when I decided my methodology in life would be "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you look at it. And if you can't do that, get over it!" I can even tell you where I was...at a "Mr. Basketball" game in Kearney watching my nephew Andrew play basketball at Sunrise Elementary near my apartment! I TRY TRY TRY to remember this when things have me upset. Of course we all have our moments when we need to overreact about something before we can move on, but it is the moving on or moving forward that is important!!

We fight back, by literally fighting back! We have tried to make childhood cancer awareness and raising funds for cancer our priority. We are doing this by being active in fundraising and advocating for CureSearch, Alex's Lemonade Stand, CNCF, and the American Cancer Society to name a few. We try to reach out when a local family is down this path, and do our best to do whatever we can to help them with whatever they need. We fight back because year ago others fought back, and that is why Charli's story is as successful as it is. And, because we are fighting back, someone down the road, with a little faith, with have to fight a little less.

My challenge to you is to take a moment to figure out how you can CELEBRATE * REMEMBER * FIGHT BACK. It doesn't take one large act to make a difference, but several people making everyday/typical acts that will make all the difference in the world!!!!!!!

the face of a miracle

Charli is doing well!! She goes down for what may be her last ultrasound later this month. We trust the results will still be good, but as mentioned before we respect the situation just enough to still be scared out of our minds :-)

Thank you for following Charli and her journey in life...we wouldn't have made it to this point alone!

Sounds kind of silly to say this...but, Happy Anniversary Charli! What started as a horrible day is now a day that I know saved your life. I will forever love March 15th....

fishing in the dark

Charli had a week full of surprises which left her asking "whats next"!!

Tuesday night we surprised her with a trip to the circus! It was my plan for Chad and her to have a night away, just the two of them (since Charli and I had a night together over the weekend) but when it came time to go to the circus Grandma Jody offered to come watch "buddy" so the three big kids went! She had a great time, she just stopped talking about the circus from this summer and then we went again! You will see some of the neat things she saw :-)

On Thursday her Aunt Amanda took her to the state games to watch Lindsay play. I didn't get any negative reports, but the truth really comes out when it comes time to do something like that again :-) They picked her up from daycare and took her down for the day, and dropped her back off to end the day with her friends. She really enjoys basketball right now.

On Friday Grandma Borg got to pick her up and have a slumber party at our house, which was pretty cool! They watched even more basketball in the morning!! Come Sunday it was just plain old mom and dad...what a disappointment!

Hope everyone has a good week!

fishing for a spider monkey with "fruit by the foot" which these two think is really fruit!!

Harper in his new seat! Charli was very concerned that her sucker wouldn't make the picture!

looks like he likes it!! Looks so big when he is in it, and so little when Charli is in hers!

Charli got to ride on an elephant!! So did mommy as you can see...I think I rode on an elephant when I was 5 or so, but I can't really remember!

before the ride! she was so brave, not even scared of that huge animal!

a pretty white, and mean looking, tiger! (the person next to us kept telling her 3-4 year old son it was a lion!!)

pure excitement!!!

they both have a good time at the circus

not an empty moment

On our way to the basketball game Friday night we saw lots and lots of deer. I saw that there was about 20-30 in a field coming up so I told Charli to look out her window and she said "mom, I told you. I should have brought my gun and flashlight. Next time, right mommy?"
****
Mom - Charli, before bed go toss Harper's bottle in the sink for me.
Charli - MOM...you know what to say?
Mom - Now??
Charli - if you say please first I will.
****
Charli's bedtime song to me tonight:
Hush little baby don't say a word, momma gonna buy you a monkey-bird, and if that monkey bird don't sing mommas gonna buy you a diamond ring, and if that ring is brass mommas gonna buy you a cup. and if that cup gets broke mommas gonna buy you a goat, and if that goat wont nah, mommas gonna buy you hay and if it falls down mommas gonna buy you a rubber dog, and if that rubber dog wont bark, I will buy you a cart and if it falls down you will still be the prettiest in town.
****


I have decided that in the silver lining that is our life - one thing we took for granted with Charli's "situation" was her ability to not get into everything! When Charli was the age Harper is now, she was not moving around at all. And, when she was able to move around she understood what "no" meant a little better. There are so many things that are "firsts" for us, even though this is our second go 'round!

Charli is not exactly excited about the new way we have to play UNO! Either we play it only while Harper is napping, or we play while body-checking Harper the entire time!

we tried to hard to get a picture of Harper in this hat...we had one of Charli at this same age...but the problem is - Harper is "a little" (aka A LOT) more mobile than Charli was -- no picture for us!

Charli in her new-favorite shirt...and harper taking advantage of being alone for once!

poor - poor - poor harper

I have so many things I could say here...bottom line is that everyone is having fun, even poor harper who is probably peeing his pants from laughing so hard!

feedsack, probably a 50 pounder

Mom - Chalri will you please make sure Haper doesn't fall off the couch

Charli - sure, I will make a Harper gate

good morning world!

lil sneak

so, not a good picture of Harper at all..I know that. But, who could pass up sharing this moment with the world :-) How nice of Wynston and Kasper to share their bone with him.

great message

I received the story below in an email today, and really liked the message. We never know who we are about to meet when we lay eyes on someone. Who are we to judge another based on lifestyle, appearance, or even some life choices. We are all children of God, and because of that we are all equal. A sermon I heard this summer reminded me that my sin is no greater or less than the sins of my neighbor. Sin is Sin...we ask for forgiveness and we pick ourselves back up to do better tomorrow. God is good and allows us all to have a clean slate once we have asked for one. If He can forgive us, why can't we forgive each other?


Daniel's Gloves



I sat, with two friends, in the picture window of a quaint restaurant just
off the corner of the town-square. The food and the company were both
especially good that day.

As we talked, my attention was drawn outside, across the street. There,
walking into town, was a man who appeared to be carrying all his worldly
goods on his back. He was carrying, a well-worn sign that read, 'I will work
for food.' My heart sank.

I brought him to the attention of my friends and noticed that others around
us had stopped eating to focus on him. Heads moved in a mixture of sadness
and disbelief.

We continued with our meal, but his image lingered in my mind. We finished
our meal and went our separate ways. I had errands to do and quickly set out
to accomplish them. I glanced toward the town square, looking somewhat
halfheartedly for the strange visitor. I was fearful, knowing that seeing him
again would call some response. I drove through town and saw nothing of him.
I made some purchases at a store and got back in my car.

Deep within me, the Spirit of God kept speaking to me: 'Don't go back to the
office until you've at least driven once more around the square.'

Then with some hesitancy, I headed back into town. As I turned the square's
third corner, I saw him. He was standing on the steps of the store front
church, going through his sack.

I stopped and looked; feeling both compelled to speak to him, yet wanting to
drive on. The empty parking space on the corner seemed to be a sign from God:
an invitation to park. I pulled in, got out and approached the town's newest
visitor.

'Looking for the pastor?' I asked.

'Not really,' he replied, 'just resting.'

'Have you eaten today?'

'Oh, I ate something early this morning.'

'Would you like to have lunch with me?'

'Do you have some work I could do for you?'

'No work,' I replied 'I commute here to work from the city, but I would like
to take you to lunch.'

'Sure,' he replied with a smile.

As he began to gather his things, I asked some surface questions. Where you
headed?'

' St. Louis '

'Where you from?'

'Oh, all over; mostly Florida ..'

'How long you been walking?'

'Fourteen years,' came the reply.

I knew I had met someone unusual. We sat across from each other in the same
restaurant I had left earlier. His face was weathered slightly beyond his 38
years. His eyes were dark yet clear, and he spoke with an eloquence and
articulation that was startling He removed his jacket to reveal a bright red
T-shirt that said, 'Jesus is The Never Ending Story.'

Then Daniel's story began to unfold. He had seen rough times early in life.
He'd made some wrong choices and reaped the consequences.. Fourteen years
earlier, while backpacking across the country, he had stopped on the beach in
Daytona... He tried to hire on with some men who were putting up a large tent
and some equipment. A concert, he thought.

He was hired, but the tent would not house a concert but revival services,
and in those services he saw life more clearly. He gave his life over to God

'Nothing's been the same since,' he said, 'I felt the Lord telling me to keep
walking, and so I did, some 14 years now.'

'Ever think of stopping?' I asked.

'Oh, once in a while, when it seems to get the best of me. But God has given
me this calling. I give out Bibles That's what's in my sack. I work to buy
food and Bibles, and I give them out when His Spirit leads.'

I sat amazed. My homeless friend was not homeless. He was on a mission and
lived this way by choice. The question burned inside for a moment and then I
asked: 'What's it like?'

'What?'

'To walk into a town carrying all your things on your back and to show your
sign?'

'Oh, it was humiliating at first. People would stare and make comments. Once
someone tossed a piece of half-eaten bread and made a gesture that certainly
didn't make me feel welcome. But then it became humbling to realize that God
was using me to touch lives and change people's concepts of other folks like
me.'


My concept was changing, too. We finished our dessert and gathered his
things. Just outside the door, he paused He turned to me and said, 'Come Ye
blessed of my Father and inherit the kingdom I've prepared for you. For when
I was hungry you gave me food, when I was thirsty you gave me drink, a
stranger and you took me in.'


I felt as if we were on holy ground. 'Could you use another Bible?' I asked.


He said he preferred a certain translation. It traveled well and was not too
heavy. It was also his personal favorite.. 'I've read through it 14 times,'
he said.


'I'm not sure we've got one of those, but let's stop by our church and see'.
I was able to find my new friend a Bible that would do well, and he seemed
very grateful.


'Where are you headed from here?' I asked.


'Well, I found this little map on the back of this amusement park coupon.'


'Are you hoping to hire on there for a while?'


'No, I just figure I should go there. I figure someone under that star right
there needs a Bible, so that's where I'm going next.'


He smiled, and the warmth of his spirit radiated the sincerity of his
mission. I drove him back to the town-square where we'd met two hours
earlier, and as we drove, it started raining. We parked and unloaded his
things.


'Would you sign my autograph book?' he asked... 'I like to keep messages from
folks I meet.'


I wrote in his little book that his commitment to his calling had touched my
life. I encouraged him to stay strong. And I left him with a verse of
scripture from Jeremiah, 'I know the plans I have for you, declared the Lord,
'plans to prosper you and not to harm you; Plans to give you a future and a
hope.'




'Thanks, man,' he said.. 'I know we just met and we're really just strangers,
but I love you.'

'I know,' I said, 'I love you, too.' 'The Lord is good!'

'Yes, He is. How long has it been since someone hugged you?' I asked.

A long time,' he replied

And so on the busy street corner in the drizzling rain, my new friend and I
embraced, and I felt deep inside that I had been changed.. He put his things
on his back, smiled his winning smile and said, 'See you in the New
Jerusalem .'


'I'll be there!' was my reply.


He began his journey again. He headed away with his sign dangling from his
bedroll and pack of Bibles. He stopped, turned and said, 'When you see
something that makes you think of me, will you pray for me?'

'You bet,' I shouted back, 'God bless.'

'God bless.' And that was the last I saw of him.


Late that evening as I left my office, the wind blew strong. The cold front
had settled hard upon the town. I bundled up and hurried to my car. As I sat
back and reached for the emergency brake, I saw them... a pair of well-worn
brown work gloves neatly laid over the length of the handle. I picked them up
and thought of my friend and wondered if his hands would stay warm that night
without them.


Then I remembered his words: 'If you see something that makes you think of
me, will you pray for me?'

Today his gloves lie on my desk in my office.. They help me to see the world
and its people in a new way, and they help me remember those two hours with
my unique friend and to pray for his ministry. 'See you in the New
Jerusalem ,' he said. Yes, Daniel, I know I will...


'I shall pass this way but once. Therefore, any good that I can do or any
kindness that I can show, let me do it now, for I shall not pass this way
again.'
(Author Unknown or is it?)


My instructions were to send this to four people that I wanted God to bless
and I picked you. Please pass this to four people you want to be blessed.

This prayer is powerful and there is nothing attached. Please do not break
this pattern. Prayer is one of the best gifts we receive. There is no cost
but a lot of rewards. Let's continue to pray for one another. God bless and
have a nice day!



'Father, I ask You to bless my friends, relatives and e-mail buddies reading
this right now. Show them a new revelation of Your love and power. Holy
Spirit, I ask You to minister to their spirit at this very moment. Where
there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy. Where there is self-doubt,
release a renewed confidence through Your grace, In Jesus' precious Name,
Amen.'

how could i

Whooops, I forgot to include these in my post last night!!

Charli was drawing with chalk Sunday afternoon. She ended up drawing this "car", not sure if you can really see it in the background. There are about 4-5 tires on this side and the other circles are windows! She drew this for her buddy Landon she said. However, she said we can't give it to him because it will wipe off :-)

This is from the birthday party too...these girls were so wild in this moment!
Look at their smiles, 100% genuine! Love girl time!