I haven't been avoiding talking about Childhood Cancer Awareness Month...I just haven't known what I wanted to say.
Every year have I great big plans on how I am going to honor those we have lost and those who have survived, and it seems like each year the closer and closer it gets the harder and harder it is to face. I know that sounds strange.
Friday night "Stand Up to Cancer" was on, I had to DVR it because we had movie and popcorn night and we couldn't skip that! So, I watched it right before bed...probably a bad idea, right?! It started out by talking about kids, and the brave moms who shaved their heads in solidarity of their children and their battles. 46 moms were there to be honored with a slot on the one hour show. Often through the night they talked about and showed kids. It really was a great method to remind people that "kids get this too".
I found myself wanting, so badly at times, to shut it off. If I didn't see it I wouldn't be reminded of the fear and self-doubt that I went through three years ago. But, I know that ignorance does not breed change. So, I put my feet up and painfully watched the rest of the 60 minute show.
We were so lucky. Charli was so young. Charli survived. We ARE so lucky. We all know it isn't luck, it is a blessing. But what do we call it when someone isn't as lucky and their child doesn't survive because they were certainly blessed with their life too. These are just SOME of the questions I am left with.
I've seen friends suffer through cancer with their children, I have seen friends suffer through cancer with their spouse, I have seen friends suffer through cancer with their friends, I have seen my own spouse suffer through cancer with his mother. We have all seen someone suffer at the hand of cancer.
Watching the facts scroll along the bottom of the show was like a kick to the face. 1 in 2 men will be diagnosed with cancer in our lifetime and 1 in 3 women. That means that of the men in my family alone seven of them (statistically) will be victim. Of the women three will...heck, Charli is already one of them so that makes everyone elses odds better, right?! Then, seeing in print, again, how much more likely Charli is to have a secondary cancer in her lifetime breaks my heart. The next one, God forbid, she will remember...she is too old not to at this point. I don't like statistics when it comes to health, they don't mean much to me!
Having said all of that, I came to a realization last night. Thank you God for making my kids ornery. Thank you God for giving me a 4-year old little girl who sometimes plays a little rough and is learning how to talk back. Thank you God for giving me the second chance to be frustrated with my kids. Thank you God for allowing me the blessings in my life which lead me to be frustrated and ungrateful at times. Thank you God for giving me the opportunities I have had in my life which make me open minded to change and which give me the ability to not judge people the way others sometimes do. Thank you God for my life.
We all carry our own crosses, this is just just one of several that are on my shoulder. But, this is a big one. This is one which scares me everyday...and it is one we all can feel the fear of. This one thing is common ground for every single person in this world.
Charli is a miracle, that doesn't make her perfect, as much as I wish that because of her past pain she could be!
I think that if we all took five minutes we could all find an extra we can Stand Up To Cancer.
The following are lyrics from one of my top songs right now, and I think it is a good song for today!!
"Beautiful World" - Dierks Bentley
All the noise and the voices are screamin'
What they have to say
And the headlines and sound bytes are givin' me
Demons to hate
And the man on TV
He tells me it's ugly
But if you ask me
It's a beautiful world
There's tears and there's fears and there's losses and crosses to bear
And sometimes the best we can do is just to whisper a prayer
And press on because
There's so much to live for and so much to love
In this beautiful world
Say what you will but I still believe
It's a beautiful world
And I know
I'm not dreamin'
I just choose to believe it
So I hate that I sometimes miss what's right in front of my eyes, oh
And I know at the end of my road I'll be wantin' more time
Just another sunset
One more kiss from my baby
A smile from a friend
In this beatiful world
It's a beautiful world
Say what you will, but I still believe
It's a beautiful world
Yeah, it's a beautiful world
Oh, it's a beautiful world
beautiful sun on my flight!!
my fellow nebraska hero :-) (Michelle!!)
Robbin * Susan * Brenda * Stephanie (all associated with the Platte Co event!)
Charli was on display for the entire trip for all 1,000+ to see while there!! I thought she might think it was neat to see me by the picture...she really didn't care!
center stage! 
"profiles of hope" the stories of the amazing people I spent my weekend with!
a trip to the park after our picnic last weekend. Harper is not very good at "just being one". He wants to do everything Charli does and gets so angry when he is not allowed!! His favorite toy is dirt -- and anything Charli is playing with at the moment!!
